I often considered myself as a love-aholic. I need and thrive on love and offer up my love as often as I can. I don’t mean the kind of love that could be replaced by something battery operated, but real and deep heart wrenching love.

I find myself to be one of the most confused people out there, but I know that I’m not alone on this. We often ask ourselves about true love; do I have it, do I want it and if I did get it, would I even know? You can ask anyone that has dated or quasi-dated me and find out how truly fickle I am. Some would say that I am the epitome of someone who’s picky but has no right to be. Then again, a number one encouragement for everyone is that no matter who they are, they must be picky and only pick the best mate for them. When I say “I love you”, I mean it truly and deeply and I know that those who have heard it understand. I have to admit that I have never been in love really because I’ve been told that if I had, I would know it and I just don’t. I do the girly thing, watching movies like “The Notebook”, possibly setting myself up for disappointment since the movie did touch me and made me cry for days. I guess I just want that kind of passionate love that is so rarely seen. I know that seems like a farfetched fairy tale, but I believe that my parents have that kind of love and so that is what I strive for.

So many times in college we confuse that sexual attraction and use our own drive to think that we are in love. Then when the “love” doesn’t stay, we often compensate by doing something drastic and regrettable, until the ugly pattern just envelopes us into a mess of self-pity. Just six months after being 21 and experiencing bar life to the utmost, I realize that I just keep upsetting my own heart. Love is one of the most awkward and misunderstood emotions out there and yet, even with all the heartache, I just don’t think there is enough. I don’t care how many times I get stomped on, I will never stop giving out love. I just feel that it is the greatest gift that you can give and if you truly feel it, there should be nothing to stop you from saying it. The problem with love is that many times it comes with the possibility of rejection. Ultimately we must all realize that even if someone doesn’t love you back, you're letting them know your loved and even if it's uncomfortable to say, they will never forget it.

There is nothing wrong with loving and I only wish that more would be open to it. With the crazy world that we live in today, what greater thing to pass around then love. I have friends who tell me that I throw that word around too much and that they sometimes don’t believe me, but the truth is that I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. I may just have a very different view on love and instead of holding it back my whole life, just waiting to explode with three little words, I let go. Someday those three words will hold more meaning when I find that someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with and he will know how deeply I mean it. Until then, I will freely send my love to those I truly care about, without restraint. I just don’t see any harm in it.

The truth about love is that if we hold back for too long, who knows if we will ever be able to express it. At the same time, I know I won't be selling myself short. I'm shooting for the fairytale and nothing less. When I finally fall in love, my heart will be ready because I have been loving all along the way.